Looking back at our previous blog posts, it is strange to see that those that we have though would be perceived as nagging or too negative, somehow seem to be those who create the most positive feedback. It has been so rewarding to experience feedbacks both verbally from parents at school and written to us, either as personal messages or comments on the blog. It proves that sharing the stress and somewhat negative thoughts and feelings that come with transitioning actually do make a difference for people out there.
Now that life is kind of back to balance, we thought we`d share another experience that we believe many couples will go through when transitioning. You see, there was this thing that had been going on between us for a while. -Like an energy or shift in wavelengths that gradually stood out. I think I could partly say that it is the parenting that was out of synchrony. But it was also about being synchronized as a couple, as a family and as humans.
Suddenly we found ourselves on different wavelengths. Or, should I rather call it put back to, let`s say, square five… Morten`s extrovert personality was suddenly hard to keep up with. My introvert personality was leaving Morten lonesome. Dina`s feelings on display at all times exhausted us. The only one being rather in balance seemed to be Karla.
Working on a relationship
Let`s go back in time. When Morten and I met 16 years ago, the one thing we had to work hard on as a couple, was the differences in our personalities. I get worn out from meeting new people. He gets energized from it. He had to learn that it is ok if I don`t accompany him to every social occasion. And he had to learn how to cautiously choose from all the opportunities and people that are out there. I had to learn that I shouldn`t feel guilty if I stay at home. -And that I sometimes have to go out despite the fact that I don`t feel like it. It can even be fun and give life an extra dimension.
So over the years, we have become more and more similar; Morten somewhat less social, I more extrovert and our marriage and everyday life has mostly been in harmony. So was the parenting. We seemed to be on the same path in terms of how we raise our daughters. I am typically the softhearted but still quite strict mom. He is the funny dad but also with rather clear rules and expectations; The Master of Encouragement and Positivity.
Time for more feedback
Now, it seemed like Mother Bali had shaken us to the extent that we had to work us through the same “getting in line” thing as we did almost 13 years ago. Suddenly I found Morten too social, like I did back then. -And he was too strict with the girls. I also missed him being the funny dad that makes sure we laugh and joke in between us. Morten found me negative and maybe exaggerating the situation. -And he found me too soft hearted towards the girls, as well as missing my ability to cater for the coziness in the family. In addition, both Morten`s and my patience was, and still is shorter than usual, which caused us to unnecessarily argue either between the two of us or with the girls.
Luckily, we are able to communicate on a rational level around these things. We`ve talked us through the thoughts and feelings that we both have in regards to this. We openly and without accusations, express how we experience the situation and each other’s actions. Only by giving and receiving feedback in that way, we believe it is possible to work our way out of the disharmony. –And we are gradually getting back on track although it took us a while to actually see the disharmony as such.